a great fall

24th July 2009 (Friday)


Day 72-79: 12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19.07.2009 (Sunday-Sunday)

- Fell sick.
- Not liking the change in taste bud and the sudden chills.
- THIS close to giving up on a ski trip.
- went for ski trip despite the sickness. im glad i did.
- results came out on the day i was scheduled to leave for Falls Creek (for ski).
- im ready to announce that i failed 2 subjects this semester.


Day 80-84: 20/21/22/23/24.07.2009 (Monday - Friday)

Familiar faces. hello coursemates that i've not seen since the start of winter break. there's a smile on everyone's face except mine. looking rather vibrant for 9am classes, but not me, as i yawn and mentally shut down throughout the lecture. temptations to skip the morning lecture. im not allowing the temptations to slip in as i cant afford, mentally and literally. time and money wasted. but above all, the disappointed. not only towards myself but family. not a single word of anger from parents who provided me with everything that i could ever ask for. again, i wonder how much they sacrificed for every dollar saved to keep me surviving in another country. suddenly, what is graduation. i dont think i deserve the cert. another word, im embarrased. feeling so low about myself. i think i should slap myself out of it for making myself sound so pathetic. let me be for now. i'll pick myself up when im ready. hey, i really really want to hide myself in a corner, cry as much as i want, be upset, feel low, be embarrased, feel sorry, feel stupid, take away my confidence, zip my mouth, keep a distant from my friends and family..and think about the failure. i know it's too late for all those, because the fact is there. i failed. period. have you tried crying yourself to sleep and wake up with tears just streaming down your eyes like an open pipe? i love and hate it all the same time. just like a break up, i think keeping myself busy and staying focus is the way to get these silly thoughts out of my head. but honestly, i like being alone once a while, just to feel sad and silly.

one week into the new semester :)