1st January 2010 (Friday)
since i missed my last post for the year (2009), today is the first for 2010.
2009 was a year filled with ups and downs. the year i went through a lot of mental/emotional challenges, every step and every decision made brings a certain impact to who i am now. along the way, i was to see who my real friends are and how much my family is willing to sacrifice for me. i've never seen my mom in such a way that i have for the past 21 years. i never knew i could walk away from someone once so close to me. i never knew how things would be once i leave home.
im not sure how or when, but today, i find myself an extreme-ist with too much to think about. i always know that thinking too much means bringing more doubts and sadness upon myself. for the first time, having a good sleep became an issue, having a bad meal became an issue, tears are building up too easily for my own good. comparing the previous me, im not liking who i am now. in a good way, i definately am stronger, but conversely, im easily agitated and that's not very happy. how was it like to be simple and fun? i guess being away from maha, sam, shan, may yee and the rest of them did bring a difference. sometimes, wouldnt it be good that we can go back to days where all we talk about are boys and petty issues, when everything bad can be made to a good laugh?
currently, there are so many un-happy things in me. not happy that i have to work 8-5, not happy that i have to graduate later than anyone else that i know, not happy that i'll be all alone studying when everyone else will be working soon, not happy that i wont be able to go for any holidays this summer, not happy not happy not happy.
im pretty shocked that there are a few who actually get an update on my life through this blog. to a point, i actually considered locking it, as i feel restricted to voice out. all the what-if-i-hurt-anyone keeps running through my head. every sentence here has to be revised for a couple of times before being finalised. gah, i hate that feeling when what used to be mine is now a public area where anyone would have a chance to have a glimpse at it. i guess my confidence level is not that high after all. especially when i know i have people who matter to me reading this, it gets a bit hard to speak straight from my mind. what now with all that has happened in 2009.
so this 2010, everything will change for the better, i must!
because a boilerman recently said to me 'you must be happy! dont be selfish! look at me, im always happy. when you're happy, you dont get sick so easily.' haha, who would have thought a trip to the boiler room would bring me to such a nice simple and happy man who totally brightened up my day and thought me one of the very simple, yet important thing in life :))
Best of all....
so everyone, MUST BE HAPPY AR!!!!