this time

21st August 2009 (Friday)

i've been typing and deleting for the past half an hour. trying to find the right word and right way to summarize the past two weeks. on loop is a song sung by jacky cheung. 10 minutes away, i have friends tempting me to wicked wings for supper. it's friday, which means the weekends are finally here. how i love weekends, but dislike the weekends passing by so fast. just two weeks since the last post? it definately felt longer than that. i realise how unstable i've been the past 14 days. let's see. the smile was there, the anger was there, frustrations, temptations, awkwardness...everything. currently, im confused and frowning. oh, and fatigue. feeling like a superwoman caging myself in uni from 9-6pm. i needed the break from blogging. from writing. from expressing. from people. all i want to do is space out and think. but the routined lifestyle kept me going. i got to know my coursemates better. i made a few decisions but have yet to act. i spoke to my parents. i miss them, i miss my family. i went for a short trip to the hot springs. i was upset for certain matters. my words feel restricted. i have a friend that im worried about. i have my studies to worry about. i have financial issues to worry about. i have a future to worry about. i have a test coming up next week and i've yet to study for it. i've been talking but now im thinking. i said never again, but im back to it over and over again. been reading quite a bit. nothing fiction. i finished Greek, the series. clearly, the timeline does not matter here. really, seriously, there's so much i want to say here, but the words are not coming out correctly. i've never felt restricted, until now. traditionally speaking, time is all i need. so does everyone of you reading this. time. tell me how much you understand the word time. within time, it's either so much or so little can happen. time appears to be weird. how fast and how slow. that's a part of time yea? regrets. it's also part of time? future. another division of time? i realise how everything is related to time. the relationship between time and everything around you. it's all about time isnt it? time leads to family, friends, money, future, entertainment etc etc etc. time is really really important huh? so, time it shall be. this time, it's for real.