To remember.

4th December 2009 (Friday)

so many questions. the options are so limited. everything is in a blur. the year passed by so painfully. so many heartaches. so many disappointments. so many stand ups. one fall, two fall. the scar got deeper. running out of tears. the expectation lowers. the confidence dropped. dont tell me its ok, because its not, and you know it. dont tell me things happen, because i know, it always does. dont tell me i've did my best, because it didnt show. whats the point? really, whats the point? the sacrifices, the change, the guilt. whats the point? a mistake? it was mine. i dont understand. because i really really dont. i dont see why. mom says its a lesson. what's done is done. i know, but its not working. how to avoid judgement? how to face the fact? how to stand up? they say everything gets better when you hit the lowest point in life. but what if, i hit the bottom pit again, before i could stand up fully from the previous fall? because it's a realistic life. none remembers the good, just the bad. let me be. i just want to be away. away from everything. i know what im doing. i know i have zero confidence now. but just, let me be. dont ask me to cheer up. i cant. and you know it. dont ask me not to think. i cant. define breakdown: now.