things i try not to say

i want everyone to know that i won't be graduating this year. i must have said it many times but it just feels better to let this statement out once awhile. every now and then i get this breakdown whereby i question myself for the mistakes i made. a mental evaluation will be conducted to evaluate my progress in studies and weighing the chances of me landing on a job after my graduation. i like to think of the extreme. the extreme when plan don't go accordingly. currently the study plan has side-tracked a fair bit. my future is a blur. im not sure which company would want to hire someone like me, who has such bad results. to console myself, i like to believe that there will be someone out there who will give me my second chance and allow me to prove that im worth the try, as an employee. i learn fast and im very dedicated to my work. will i be able to impress my future interviewers that im one of a kind despite my lousy results? but isn't engineering all about results :(

friends are leaving. one by one they graduate and all my peers are talking about work and applying for permanent residents in australia. meanwhile, i stay as a student and probably have lunch alone from next year july onwards.

life is going to be hard. a rough journey ahead, possibility with no proper route because i've opt for off-track some months back. because im such a believer in no regrets, i make myself believe that things happen for a reason and i should be grateful instead. everyone should know that im lying. im upset to the bottom ground but i can't mention/complain too often as i think my friends and boyfriend is pretty sick of it by now.

my eyes are heavy, my stomach is filled with gas and im still pretty stuffed from the chicken souvlaki i had for a very late dinner.

today marks the end of my mid-semester break. finals starts in a months time. it's time to focus. let this be the last semester i set foot in an exam hall. allow me to make new friends and i can learn to love my year 4 projects.

it is upsetting to learn that your boyfriend will never understand or be interested in what you're going through, mainly because you've said it too many times and you're just not in the same career field as he is. how do you expect a cow to understand the life of a chicken? bad example, but as long as it works.